


Superman is a Cryptid

by LittleLynn



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Robert is superman but superman is a cryptid in this, Superman AU, don't blame me blame the roseph discord chat, joseph also has a crush on robert, joseph has a crush on superman, you can see how this is all going to work out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 11:24:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11622531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLynn/pseuds/LittleLynn
Summary: “Are you fantasising about that ‘dashing flying man’ again.” Chris griped, arms crossed, making Joseph seriously regret accidentally referring to him as dashing in front of his eldest.“No!” Joseph answered, it sounded way too defensive and unconvincing even to his own ears.





	Superman is a Cryptid

**Author's Note:**

> for @atlasisreal and the peeps in the roseph discord because you wanted superman!Robert and Joseph with a big crush and okay I turned it into cryptid superman you’ll just have to forgive me <3

 

Joseph stared out the window, day-dreaming more whimsically than a self-respecting father of four probably should. He couldn’t help it, he  _knew_  what he’d seen, no matter what other people said. Joseph rested his head on his fist and continued to stare out the window, trying not to think about what a cliché he had apparently become.

“Earth to  _dad_.” Chris’ voice eventually made its way through his daydreaming, making him jump and snap around, away from the window, trying not to seem embarrassed, embarrassment would indicate guilt after all.

“Sorry sorry, what can I do for you kiddo?” Joseph asked, shaking himself out of definitely not a fantasy about a caped hero – and he wasn’t talking about Damien. Damien had a cloak not a cape anyway, he got quite frustrated it you called it a cape, as Joseph had learned early on.

“Are you fantasising about that ‘dashing flying man’ again.” Chris griped, arms crossed, making Joseph seriously regret accidentally referring to him as dashing in front of his eldest.

“No!” Joseph answered, it sounded way too defensive and unconvincing even to his own ears.

“For god’s sake dad he’s not even  _real_.”

“I know what I saw!” Joseph squawked, “And watch your language young man!” He then added, a little belatedly.

“Good to know which one of those things is currently more important to you.” Chris deadpanned, though it was difficult to tell when Chris was deliberately deadpanning and when he was just speaking in Chris.

“We don’t take the lord’s name in vain in this house.” Joseph said a little more sternly. “And I did see him.”

“You should talk to Robert, go cryptid hunting together.” Chris suggested and Joseph knew he was kidding, but that seemed like a pretty good idea actually. If anyone could find a cryptid, it was probably Robert. Not that the dashing flying man was a cryptid, Joseph has confirmed his existence with his own eyes. He’d quite like to find him again though. “Dad that was a joke!”

“I know that!” Joseph replied, wondering how hard is son was judging him right now.

“You’re going to go over to his house as soon as we go to mom’s aren’t you?”

“…no?”

“You’re hopeless. And I came down to tell you that Christie and Christian have given Crish’s favourite bear a lobotomy.”

“What!” Joseph yelled, all thoughts of dashing flying men leaving his head as he ran up the stairs.

Mary arrived to pick up the kids for the week, bidding him ‘later, nerd’ as she gunned it out the cul-de-sac, waving at him and seeming happier than she had done in years, just like him. She’d actually turned out to be a pretty good friend, they both had, great friends,  _awful_  spouses.  

Joseph flicked on the news and was hit by a report of an alleged sighting of the flying man just twenty minutes ago on the other side of town. Joseph managed to wait about three minutes before grabbing his coat and heading next door to Robert, he needed to enlist help. Joseph knocked and at first there was no answer, knocking again and waiting a bit longer, it wasn’t late enough for Robert to be at the bar yet, and he was fairly sure there was nothing Robert worthy on at the cinema at the moment. Maybe he should check the log in the woods Robert liked to go brood on, though he got quite touchy about people interrupting his brooding time.

About to turn and leave Joseph heard a whoosh that sounded like a fast puff of wind before the door was pulled open and a slightly haggard Robert opened the door (slightly more haggard than usual, that was).

“Joseph?”

“Sorry, is this a bad time?”

“No, s’fine. I wasn’t doing anything.” Robert answered quickly, seeming slightly more touchy than usual. “What do you want?”

“I, um, this is sort of embarrassing actually.”

“More embarrassing than wearing a baby blue sweater around your neck unironically everyday?” Robert deadpanned at him, Robert could never tell when he was kidding.

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it sunshine. What’s up?” Robert asked, lighting his cigarette and causing Joseph to get distracted by his hands, they were  _really_ nice hands. Joseph’s thoughts were forced back on track by Robert raising an eyebrow at him and making him blush lightly.

“I was hoping you could help me find someone.”

“Don’t know how you’ve missed it pretty boy, but I’m more in the business of avoiding people and not talking to them than finding them and knowing where they are.” Robert replied, Joseph tried not to get distracted by the fact that Robert apparently found him pretty, nor the way that made him have to fight a blush.

“I know I know, but I guess you might call this person a cryptid, and that is your area of expertise, is it not?”

“You want to go cryptid hunting? You?”

“Well not just for any old cryptid, I’m not interested in going traipsing through a graveyard with you.”

“Afraid to be alone with me?” Robert asked, and he was teasing but teasing Robert was still kind of intense and he seemed to have him pinned to the spot just with his eyes and what was Joseph talking about again?

“Um, yeah? I mean no?” Joseph replied intelligently, getting frustrated with himself and glaring at Robert when he proceeded to laugh at him. “Stop confusing me.”

“So you want to go specific cryptid hunting. Who for? Must be one hell of a legend to get you all in a tizzy.”

“Well, you know the flying man that’s been spotted all over the state? Well I saw him a few weeks ago and then I just saw on the news that he was spotted on the other side of town just a little while ago and people are still claiming he’s not real so I was hoping you could help me prove them wrong.” Joseph finished in a bit of a rush, and did Robert look a bit paler than he had a second ago?

“Nah, can’t help you.” Robert said, going to shut the door.

“Wait! Please, Robert, I don’t even know where to start. I  _need_  your help, he’s just so… I just want to find him again.”

“You sound like you’ve got a little crush there sunshine.” Robert suddenly perked up grinning and Joseph was powerless to fight this particular blush.

“No! I just…well he was very dashing!”

“You’ve not met him though.”

“How would you know! And I’ll have you know I saw him take the time to rescue a cat from up a tree before flying off in the park a few weeks ago and it was all  _very_  dashing. Come to think of it he looked a bit like you.”

Robert snorted. “Yeah I’m secretly a caped flying wonder who rescues cats from trees. I’m Mothman’s good twin, he’s the evil one.” Robert continued, Joseph must have been giving him a bit of a bewildered look because Robert snorted again. “Just kidding. Mothman is bullshit.”

“This guy isn’t though, I swear, I saw him with my own two eyes.”

“Yes. From a distance. Rescuing a cat from a tree.”

“Don’t tease me.” Joseph struggled against the urge to pout, knowing he’d only get teased for it.

“But you just make it so much fun sunshine.” Robert grinned, looking far too much like the cat that got the cream for Joseph’s comfort. He felt an awful lot like he was missing something here. “Alright, I’ll take you hunting for your prince charming.” Robert agreed, grabbing his coat.

“He’s not my prince charming, I’m just  _curious._ ”

“Most people go through their curious phase in college.” Robert snorted and Joseph refrained from a response, it would only encourage him, it was common knowledge by now that Joseph was gay. And he knew Robert meant to offense to bisexual people as he was one himself.

They were only about half way out of the cul-de-sac when Robert’s phone rang and he pulled a very strange looking phone out of his pocket. Definitely not a phone Joseph had seen him with before, not that he was paying that close attention to Robert or his phones. Though he did sometimes get distracted by his hands and hands sometimes held phones.

“Ah shit sunshine. I gotta take this. We’ll go cryptid hunting some other time.” Robert said and before Joseph could say anything he was jogging back towards his house.

Joseph huffed to himself and trudged back to his house. The news was still playing because apparently, he’d forgotten to turn his tv off and Joseph sent up a pray that the lord would be forgiving in his electrical bill. The reporter was stood in front of a burning building, only a few miles from where Joseph was now. Terrible. Joseph sent up a prayer for the people inside the building instead, wishing there was something he could do.

Joseph stood, deciding there was something he could do, even if it was only a small something, and he gathered up all the blankets in his house and as many water bottles as he could fill before loading them into the car and heading to the scene. If nothing else he could offer blankets as the night was drawing in and water, and information about local shelters for the people who had lost their homes.

He pulled up as close as he could get and it was awful. No one ever talks about how noisy fire is. Some of the people knew him from church, not quite out of the catchment for his local church yet. And it wasn’t enough, but Joseph was grateful for what little comfort he could bring to people there.

He felt like God was watching over them though, as more and more people found their way to the exit downstairs, even though the firemen were sure it should be impossible by now, they hadn’t been able to make it up the stairs themselves.  

Joseph smiled as he made his way back to his car, heading down an alleyway as a shortcut. No casualties, injuries of course, but somehow everyone had made it out of the building, the firemen couldn’t believe it, no one could. Joseph slowed as he heard rough coughing coming from further down the alleyway, reaching into his box for one of the last bottles of water, wondering if the stranger needed it, if they’d been involved in the fire but had needed to get some space.

“Oh my god.” Joseph gasped, dropping his box with a clatter onto the floor. “It’s  _you_.” He’d know that cape anywhere.

“What? Shit.” He continued coughing for a bit. “Fucking smoke. Not very heroic right now, sorry to disappoint.”

It was dark out by now, and Joseph could hardly see in the barely lit alleyway, not that that stopped him from all but swooning like a Victorian damsel straight onto the floor. Damien would be proud of him.

“You’re real,” Joseph did  _not_  squeal, he did not sound like a young lady at a concert. “You saved all those people didn’t you, got them out of the fire.”  

“Now that  _would_  be quite heroic, wouldn’t it.” He said and somehow Joseph knew he was grinning, he sounded familiar almost. Joseph stopped himself, that was far too teenage girl for him, a fully grown man with four children.

“Yes it would.” Joseph swallowed thickly, just resisting the urge to reach out and touch this mysterious hero.

“Doesn’t the hero usually get a kiss off his sweet young admirer?” He teased and Joseph was suddenly glad of the dark, even though it meant he couldn’t make out the man’s face, because he was now blushing furiously.

“I’m not young anymore.”

“All the better.” He said, swooping down and kissing Joseph boldly on his cheek.

“So, are all you cryptids real then?” Joseph fumbled for something to say, smiling and blushing uncontrollably.

“Nah, not all of us. Mothman is bullshit.”

There was a considerable pause as the man who suddenly seemed like less of a mystery no doubt waited for a laugh.

“ _Robert?_!”

“What! Um, no?” Robert said, because it was definitely Robert.

“Name one other person who would have said Mothman is bullshit just then,”

“Um, me, not Robert? I don’t even know a Robert…” Robert floundered, it was kind of cute.

“The cryptid hunter, the biggest cryptid of them all.” Joseph said dryly, he knew he was wearing a soft smile and hoped Robert could see it.

“Alright, fine. It’s me. You had a crush on both versions of me simultaneously, how embarrassing for you.”

“What! I don’t have a crush on you.”

“Which one of me?”

“Neither!”

“Now that really is bullshit.” Robert said in that very Robert voice with that very Robert grin.

“You look stupid in that outfit.” Joseph grumbled, Robert laughed.

“Will the lying ever end! Good job that god of yours is forgiving.”

“Oh just shut up at kiss me.” Joseph said with an exasperated sigh.

Robert laughed again and did just that.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this ridiculousness <3 
> 
> come throw me a prompt on [tumblr](http://shadyanne.tumblr.com/) or just come yell about these idiots!


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